The Skill of Self Confidence

Self Confidence is at the epicentre of our lives and affects everything we do.  From forming lasting friendships at school, to passing exams, job interviews and beyond, in order to enjoy this extraordinary journey through life we need to master the skill of Self Confidence.

So what is Self Confidence exactly?  I think it’s the ability to believe in yourself enough to accomplish the task at hand no matter the odds, difficulty or adversity.  By overcoming challenging situations, and goodness knows we’ve all experienced a few of those recently, our Self Confidence should improve.  In theory yes, but in practice not so simple!

It helps to acknowledge that Self Confidence is a skill which can be improved and developed with intention.  Think of all the many things you are good at; driving, cooking, housekeeping, work, socialising - these are all learned skills which you have developed over time with the use of repetition.  By repeatedly undertaking a task, we gradually improve if we set the intention to improve.  There really is no silver bullet or magic button to improve your Self Confidence, just intentional repetition, repetition, repetition.

Sadly though, so many of us bail out after the first sniff of adversity and difficulty.  At the first sign of discouragement we give up and I know this is my battle which is why I am sharing it with you.  I have really struggled with posting consistently on Social Media because I continually compare myself to other successful brands, see how far I have to go and then think “why bother, it's impossible?”  Or I compare myself to women who seem to have an unobtainable level of beauty and panache and erroneously believe this is what I need to copy and aspire to, compounding the belief that I’m not good enough, beautiful enough, thin enough - the list goes on and on.

My intention is to banish this negative and limiting self-talk from my life once and for all.  It has no purpose and does not serve me.  I simply cannot compare my beginning to someone else’s middle and neither should you.  2022 is all about Self Confidence and showing up as myself - wrinkles and all.  The truth is there are enough people out there telling you “no, it can’t be done” so why add one more. 

We need to become our biggest advocates.  If you don’t believe in yourself no one else will.  Catch yourself when you do something that moves your dial forward and tell yourself “well done, good job”.  Your thoughts really will influence your actions and we need to continually hear positive affirmations of encouragement. 

One of my favourite quotes is from James Allen's wonderful book As A Man Thinketh:  I have changed the words to woman.....

"As a woman thinketh in her heart, so shall she be."
"Woman's mind may be likened to a garden, which may be intelligently cultivated or allowed to run wild."
"Women do not attract that which they want, but that which they are."
“As she thinks, so she is; as she continues to think, so she remains."
"A woman is limited only by the thoughts that she chooses.”


What am I doing this week to boost my self confidence?  My goal is to post a YouTube video without any makeup - to remove all the filters and just turn up as my authentic self.  And the photo above is of me writing this blog without filters or any special lighting.

No one will believe in you unless you do. I t’s ok to be a round peg in a square hole, a misfit and a rebel - thanks Apple for reminding us of this.  You don’t have to subscribe to the status quo if you choose not to.  You are allowed to be you.

Love Zoe x